Paid

Virginia and I both have these awesome letters hanging on our refrigerator that state our debt has been PAID!  She and Doug paid their school loans.  Dustin and I just paid our van loan.  Its so wonderful that the loan company sends such a nice, congratulatory letter!  Its like they are proud that we no longer owe them money.  As relieved as I am to be free of that debt, I still feel like I'm caught in the horrible cycle of the "american way" of the borrower being slave to the lender.  If there was ever a way I would hope to separate myself from my culture it would be my hope that I would not be dependant on loans and credit to get the things I want or need.  I want to learn patience.  I would like to save my money and pay cash rather than succomb to the instant gratification of having what I want right now on credit.  Its hard to save for those big things when it seems that every penny has to be in its place just to pay for the everyday things.  But, I'm learning to wait and praying for wisdom.  I have put a plan in place to have the house paid off in ten years.  I will drive my cars until they won't drive anymore.  I bargain shop and wear the same clothes for years.  There is a fine line between being frugal and smart and being of a poverty mentality.  So, to combat that poverty way of thinking, I still make wish lists.  My notebook has a half a page of things I want to buy...some I even think I need, but most are things that I just want and would buy if I had money to splurge.  What stops me from blowing money or spending what I don't have is that I am becoming convinced that all of those things on my wish list will be worth more to me in the long run if they are paid for with money I really have in hand.  The letter on the frig serves as a reminder of the thrill that comes from not owing to someone else.  I am waiting for the day we receive one saying Dustin's school loan has been paid.  And then...someday...the house.  In the meantime, I will live within my means.

music

i've been on the hunt for some new music to listen to.  i search all over the internet and then freeze up when it comes to buying anything because i'm just not quite sure if it will change my life.  i hate to spend money on a song/CD if i'm not sure that it will have the kind of impact that i'm looking for.  i love when i buy a song, and its life-changing either musically or lyrically...something that i can't stop listening to for days on end.  it drives everyone in this house crazy, but its just how i do music.  but, i've become bored with all the songs that have done this in the past.  i listen to them waiting for them to have some sort of effect...kind of like a drug, but i've become immune.  so, i need some new music.  send me your recommendations.

off the top of my head, here is some of the music that has changed my life in recent years, all of which i still listen to on a weekly basis:

--Derek Webb--couple of songs from different albums
--Waterdeep--Live at New Earth
--Leonard Jones--Bless the Lord--video on youtube
--Waterdeep--Sink or Swim--2 songs specifically:  "And" and "Both of Us Will Feel the Blast"
--Various Waterdeep instrumental stuff
--Enter the Worship Circle 4--songs #5 & 6]
--Various bluegrass songs--these are good for cleaning the kitchen and making me feel happy about doing so.
--Misty Edwards--Relentless--entire album
--Stephen Roach--"Deeper" video on youtube
--Hillsongs--"In Your Freedom" (song that inspired my 'rescue' blog last year)

and i *think* that might be all...

although each of these songs/cds in their own way have been life-altering to me, i'm growing weary of the rotation.  i must find new music for the summer. 

fog is lifting

it seems like the fog is starting to lift just a tad, and i am feeling more like my old self again.  not that i have had a hard recovery or anything.  its actually been the easiest post partum recovery both physically and mentally.  i think its just that i am so routine-oriented that in the absence of my usual routine, i feel lost! 

reuben is a month old now.  its hard to believe how fast that first month went...especially considering that the last month i was pregnant seemed to be the month that would never end!!  reuben has been a much much fussier baby than the girls, but even he seems to be adjusting better and staying calm for longer periods of time.  the kids love all the smiles he has been giving them, and he is starting to "coo" and "ahh" when he gets excited. 

at the conclusion of this first month of reuben's life, i have two accomplishments that i am quite proud of! 

#1  i am STILL breastfeeding!  yes...can you believe it??  breastfeeding is horrible for me, and with every baby i try and fail.  my goal was to nurse reuben for a month, and we made it--thanks to the help of some lactation ladies and a great amount of patience from my family!  i am nowhere near comfortable or even confident yet, and we have had to supplement with formula, but i seriously have prayed about this and believe that God has answered my prayer and helped me to reach my goal.   and we'll just keep going...one day at a time.

 on to accomplishment #2...i have resumed homeschooling!! my two weeks of maternity leave just flew by, and before i knew it two weeks had turned into three and then the fourth week was beginnning!!  so, i had to buckle down and break out the books!  as it turns out, the kids were elated to begin their school work again, and it really helped me feel "normal" to be in the kitchen with the school books out.  today will begin our first full week back in the groove, but i am feeling good about it!  we worked ahead so much before reuben was born that the kids will be done with their year in no time at all. 

i feel like i have two months of stuff to catch up on and write about, but if i did it all in one blog, it'd turn into a book.  so, i'll save some thoughts for another day.  until then, i will just say again how thankful i am for reuben's birth, this first month of his life, for my other children and my husband, and for God's unending faithfulness to us.   His presence in my life is a mystery and beyond my comprehension, and yet that presence is my greatest peace and encompasses all that is true.

Welcome, Reuben Matthias Turner

Reuben Matthias Turner

March 10, 2010

10 pounds 2 ounces

21 inches

I guess it was about a year ago now that Dustin and I thought that *maybe* we MIGHT want another baby.  It was a BIG maybe.  The details of the conversation are fuzzy, but the gist of it was that we were ok with just whatever would be.  Six would be great, but we were more than content with our five.  Fast forward to June.  I think it was the third week of June that I got a positive pregnancy test!  There's just nothing like seeing those two lines appear in the little window!!  I was beyond excited and decided then to enjoy every second of the journey, being pretty sure it would be my final pregnancy and baby.  I think it was sometime in the third week of July that I thought I would miscarry and went to the doctor.  They did an ultrasound and found one perfect, little beating heart.  But, my body was partly miscarrying and partly re-absorbing a twin.  I had reason to rejoice and reason to cry, but overall I was so extremely thankful that this little babe was growing strong in my womb.

Fast forward again to the end of August.  I hadn't been back to the doctor, but I knew that I was going to have to be making some choices as far as what type of prenatal care I would receive and where I would like to have the baby.  I had been tossing around the idea of a homebirth for a year or so but wasn't totally sure.  I met with a midwife and also went to see my former obsetrician in Clarksburg.  I continued that way for most of my pregnancy.  The midwife came to my house and we planned for a homebirth, but I continued to see the OB as well for monthly checkups and all routine tests.

The weeks of winter passed, and I became fairly confident that I would have the baby early--early to mid-February.  All along I measured large for my dates, and the ultrasound had given me a due date of February 12th.  At 36 weeks I had everything here at the house ready to go.  All that was missing was the baby!!  The first two weeks of February came and went.  And finally, my original due date, the 28th, and the entire month of February had passed me by.

At this point, I was ready to retire to my bed in a mu-mu.  There are not adequate words to describe how horrible I felt--beyond swollen, exhausted, sore, anxious, etc, etc.  I had trouble recognizing myself and was becoming weary of the comments from people when I went out.  "No baby yet?"  "When's that baby comin'?"  "You look miserable, honey.".    Plus, little Reuben had a hard time getting settled head down in my pelvis, so the constant flipping and jabbing me was just out of control! 

On Sunday, March 7th (at about a week overdue), my midwife called and told me that I would need to see the doctor ASAP for a non-stress test and ultrasound and then we would discuss what we were going to do.   I went in the morning of March 9th with my mid-wife to see a doctor that she knew in Marietta.  The non-stress test was great.  The ultrasound was great.  Except...they said baby would be 10.5-11.5 pounds!  Yikes!!  I had the feeling he was big, but I didn't think he was THAT big! 

The news from the ultrasound filled me with all kinds of anxiety.  If I was to continue with a homebirth it was with the knowledge that I was an hour from any hospital that could handle an emergency labor situation.  I wanted to be 100% sure that I was confident enough to stay home.  But, that type of assurity is really impossible naturally speaking, so I turned to Dustin to tell me what to do. And, of course, he said it was up to me. 

All day we argued about it.  I wanted to be told what to do, and he wanted me to do what was in my heart to do.  We discussed and discussed and debated and debated, and finally at about 8:00 in the evening he suggested we pray.  Why hadn't we thought of that before?? Prayer??  So, pray we did.  And when we were done, Dustin said he really felt like he heard God speak to him...two words..."stay" or "go".  I questioned that, "So, God's answer was 'stay' or 'go'?" To which Dustin, said "yes".  And he said that he believed we would know the answer by the end of the night.  My only response was "GREAT!  Even God doesn't know what I'm supposed to do!!!" 

Dustin left at around 9 for a meeting, and at some point after that I went to take my bath.   I noticed as I began my bath that I felt really sick at my stomach.  It wasn't contractions but rather constant pain in my stomach, and I felt really nauseous.  A little while later, I called Dustin to come home from his meeting because I was afraid I'd get sick and pass out or something, and I didn't want to be alone.

When he got home, he asked if I was in labor.  Of course I wasn't!  But, he suggested we call the midwife because I was feeling so terrible.  She arrived an hour or so later, and by this time, my abdominal pain has transitioned to contractions that were coming every 2-3 minutes.  I was guessing at this point that I probably WAS in labor.  The midwives hung around for awhile to see what was happening, and when I was in so much pain that I was no longer speaking, they decided they'd stick around.  It was somewhere around this time that Dustin came to me and asked what I had decided about home vs. hospital.  He said "so...are we going to stay or are we going to go?"  And I knew instantly.  I would stay.  There was just no place else I'd rather be than right there at home with Dustin...in the peace and quiet of familiar surroundings...with my children tucked safely in their beds just down the hallway from me.   So, the answer was, "STAY", and we knew by the end of the night.  I guess God knew what he was saying afterall!

I continued to focus through each contraction for a couple hours.  I sat mostly in my rocking chair in my room.  I was calm most of the time, but I do remember feeling slightly anxious at some point and thinking that I couldn't take anymore.  Keep in mind, I am NOT a night owl, so to be birthing a baby after midnight was not my cup of tea.  I had always imagned a mid-morning birth!!  The couple hours that I spend laboring is pretty much a blur.  The contractions hit and didn't let up, and I just was doing my best to cope peacefully.  I know someone propped my teddy bear up next to me and took pictures, and at some point I asked for my tooth bruth.  If anything else strange happened, I don't remember. 

At about 1:00 I got up to go to the bathroom.  Standing at the sink, my water broke.  My amniotic fluid was pretty dark with meconium, and the midwife just said "ok, we're going to push him out now."  Shortly after came the urge to push.  Problem was the floor was slippery!!  I remember thinking that if someone didn't wipe the floor I was going to fall over!!  So, they sat me on the birthing stool, and I was very determined to get the baby OUT!  Within minutes, Reuben Matthias was born.  Born into my arms in the middle of our bathroom. 

It seems as if time just stood still.  My senses came back, and I can recall every smell, sight, and feel of him. .  I sensed the presence of God so strongly as breath filled Reuben's lungs and he began to cry.  Here was the son we have prayed for.  Here was a brother for Judah.  We were never separated as he was born, cleaned off, and we re-located back into my bedroom. 

At little while later, in the middle of the night, we woke the kids to come meet their new baby brother.  The midwives checked and double-checked me and finally left.  At around 4 in the morning, we settled in for a few hours of sleep.

The three weeks following Reuben's birth have been a blur!  I can't believe how fast time has gone since his arrival.  The days leading up to his birth were the longest, slowest days ever, and now I wish time would slow down!  We are all just taken with him.  He is scrumptious and gorgeous.  I am a blessed mama of six, and I am sooo very very thankful that I had the opportunity to experience Reuben's birth in the way that I did.  There isn't a second of it that I would change!

Oh...and his name...

Reuben Matthias.  Reuben means "behold, a son".  We figured that if we truly DID end up with a boy after all this time, the meaning would be so fitting.  And his middle name, Matthias, means "gift of God".   It has the same meaning as Judah's middle name, Nathanael.  So, together his name means "behold, a son [who is a] gift of God".  And its an added bonus that both of our sons' middle names have the same meaning!  So, for all who have wondered...that is the story behind Reuben's name! 

Simone just appeared in the kitchen dressed in all kinds of frilly stuff...pink satin, one clicking shoe, one purple ballet slipper, beads on her wrists, and a necklace.  She announced, "I am Evix...Queen of the Placenta".    I thought this was definitely blog-worthy.

 And I promise Wolfie's birth story TODAY...even if I have to sacrifice an hour's worth of sleep.  I will write it out today. 

wolfie

hard to believe its been two weeks since little wolfie's birth.  yes..."wolfie".  he likes to wear wolves on his clothes, hats, and blankets.  and he howls like one.  i promise, if and when he stops howling takes a nap for more than ten minutes, the first thing i will do is get on here and write out his birth story for y'all! :) 

mia

jessie has gone missing.   or maybe she is freakishly attached to her squishy baby boy and can barely pull herself away long enough to give y'all a decent blog entry.  either way...when she is found or can be pulled away from reuben, she will give a thorough update on the past two weeks.  thanks for your patience.