happy i'm me

when i was a kid one of my favorite activities was playing "school".  i especially loved checking ma ruth's "real" school papers and entering grades in her grade book.  i ALWAYS used a red pen.  for most of my childhood i imagined myself growing up to be a teacher just like ma...using my red pen, being orderly, strict yet respected and liked, and making a difference in the lives of my students.   so...i went to college to be a teacher and HATED it.  after two semesters in the education program, i knew i did NOT want to be the kind of teacher that i was being trained to be.  after much frustration, i resigned from the secondary ed program.  after that i tried accounting for year and didn't like that either.  today, i am basically an uneducated housewife.  BUT, i am doing what i always imagined that i would be doing. 

every morning i wake up and go through my "lesson plans" in my mind.  we eat at 8.  we tend to our bodies and our rooms, and then we start "school", complete with red pens,  graded work, and focused silence.  i never ever ever dreamed that i would be homeschooling my children. 

as i near the end of my second year of homeschooling, i notice that i have grown much more confident in just being who i am as the kids' teacher.  at first i heard a lot of suggestions--mostly centered around my need to "relax" and just "go with the flow".  i was told that homeschooling is grand because its so flexible and that kids will learn what they need to know almost effortlessly.  i didn't jump into any complete curriculums or lesson plan books or things like that, but i was concerned that perhaps i was just a little TOO anal...too scheduled...too particular...too strict.  afterall, don't those who have homeschooled much longer than me know better?  shouldn't i just relax??  but, the more i relaxed, the more frustrated we all became.  by the end of the year last year, i was burnt out and just plain old exasperated.

but this year something has just clicked.  i have discovered that i can be me.  scheduled, particular and organized ME in the way that i homeschool my kids.  and, it has truly been a glorious year!  i love teaching them, and they love learning.  several of the hurdles i was facing with eden have been cleared.  we love our routine and school days.  i have multiple packs of red pens.  between the hours of 9 and noon is SCHOOL, and i rarely tolerate an interruption.  a host of homeschoolers might call me crazy.  some have predicted burnout.  but, thats all ok.  i burnout when i'm trying to be something i'm not, and thankfully i've come to realize this. 

we are quickly approaching my time of "maternity leave" and then the end of this school year.  looking back over the year so far, i am just thrilled.  i am so blessed to be able to be here at home with my kids during this time of their lives.  i know i've said it a million times, and you'll probably hear it a million more, but there's just place i'd rather be than right here at home...being an uneducated housewife.  i don't know of anywhere else or at any other job in which my life could be more influential than it is right here with my children. 

that being said, my clock is reading 7:47.  13 minutes 'till breakfast.