window shopping

its 3:00 am, and i'm doing what every normal person does at 3 in the morning...looking at appliances online!  we went to lowes tonight to look for a new refrigerator.  i thought i wanted an off-white one because our stove and dishwasher are off-white.  however, the salesman told us that appliance manufacturers are phasing out the off-white appliances, so there is limited availability.  we have replaced the dishwasher since moving into this house.  all thats left to replace in the kitchen is the refrigerator and the stove.  the refrigerator is at death's door, and a new one will be needed soon.  but, the stove is still working (knock on wood).  other problem is that IF and WHEN we have to replace the stove, it is 36 inches wide rather than the standard 30 inches.  for now, there seems to be plenty of off-white stoves that would go with an off-white refrigerator, but not many that are 36 inches.  decisions, decisions....do i get a white refrigerator?  or get the off-white and hope that in years to come a 36 inch off-white stove will be available?  we plan to live in this house forever, so i have to think ahead along these lines.  if only i could sleep...

happy i'm me

when i was a kid one of my favorite activities was playing "school".  i especially loved checking ma ruth's "real" school papers and entering grades in her grade book.  i ALWAYS used a red pen.  for most of my childhood i imagined myself growing up to be a teacher just like ma...using my red pen, being orderly, strict yet respected and liked, and making a difference in the lives of my students.   so...i went to college to be a teacher and HATED it.  after two semesters in the education program, i knew i did NOT want to be the kind of teacher that i was being trained to be.  after much frustration, i resigned from the secondary ed program.  after that i tried accounting for year and didn't like that either.  today, i am basically an uneducated housewife.  BUT, i am doing what i always imagined that i would be doing. 

every morning i wake up and go through my "lesson plans" in my mind.  we eat at 8.  we tend to our bodies and our rooms, and then we start "school", complete with red pens,  graded work, and focused silence.  i never ever ever dreamed that i would be homeschooling my children. 

as i near the end of my second year of homeschooling, i notice that i have grown much more confident in just being who i am as the kids' teacher.  at first i heard a lot of suggestions--mostly centered around my need to "relax" and just "go with the flow".  i was told that homeschooling is grand because its so flexible and that kids will learn what they need to know almost effortlessly.  i didn't jump into any complete curriculums or lesson plan books or things like that, but i was concerned that perhaps i was just a little TOO anal...too scheduled...too particular...too strict.  afterall, don't those who have homeschooled much longer than me know better?  shouldn't i just relax??  but, the more i relaxed, the more frustrated we all became.  by the end of the year last year, i was burnt out and just plain old exasperated.

but this year something has just clicked.  i have discovered that i can be me.  scheduled, particular and organized ME in the way that i homeschool my kids.  and, it has truly been a glorious year!  i love teaching them, and they love learning.  several of the hurdles i was facing with eden have been cleared.  we love our routine and school days.  i have multiple packs of red pens.  between the hours of 9 and noon is SCHOOL, and i rarely tolerate an interruption.  a host of homeschoolers might call me crazy.  some have predicted burnout.  but, thats all ok.  i burnout when i'm trying to be something i'm not, and thankfully i've come to realize this. 

we are quickly approaching my time of "maternity leave" and then the end of this school year.  looking back over the year so far, i am just thrilled.  i am so blessed to be able to be here at home with my kids during this time of their lives.  i know i've said it a million times, and you'll probably hear it a million more, but there's just place i'd rather be than right here at home...being an uneducated housewife.  i don't know of anywhere else or at any other job in which my life could be more influential than it is right here with my children. 

that being said, my clock is reading 7:47.  13 minutes 'till breakfast.

feb 18

dustin &  i skip valentine's every year, choosing to celebrate a more important day instead.  february 18th.  february 18th is our "engagement anniversary" and has become our favorite february holiday!  twelve years ago on valentine's day we talked with my parents about us getting married.  i think my dad asked something about a ring, and dustin said he was going to be saving to buy one.  in response,  dad pulled out $10 and said, "here, start saving".   knowing that we were poor college students I figured that i'd either have a twist tie engagement ring or be waiting a long, long, long time for some sort of diamond.  BUT, four days later, in the basement of our church following a wednesday night service, dustin gave me the surprise of my life!  on bended knee he asked me to be his wife...diamond ring and all!  i had no idea whatsoever and was 100% surprised, which has happened only a few times in my life.  at the time i'm sure there were more than  few people that thought we were absolutely insane.  afterall, dustin & i had known each other just a few months.  on the couple occasions dustin came to visit my family, he was known to do things like climb in bins of bird seed and dance wildly at the court restaurant.  who was this guy that jessie met at fairmont?  and what???  they're getting MARRIED???  ha!  but, it was just something we knew.   as opposite as opposite can be, we are alike in the things that matter and are kindred spirits.  we could see in us what most could not.  twelve years later, we remember that night of our engagement when our plans for our life together seemed too huge to ever come to pass, and we marvel in knowing that we are living our dream. 

"coppee"

nadia had her first "smell association" yesterday. i was so proud. i associate so many things with smell, and i am thrilled for nadia's discovery! i always get up, eat, and have my coffee before the kids get up. about 8:30 i went into her room, opened the blind, picked her up out of her crib to look for the donkeys out the window, and she looked at me and said, "mama...coppeee???" it took a second for it to hit me. she smelled me and was asking if i drank coffee!!!! it was the cutest thing ever! just to make sure thats what she was really saying, i took her to the kitchen and showed her my coffee cup in the sink, to which she replied, "coppee". yes, nadia...coffee. she is just growing and changing so much. i can understand her more than not as she talks throughout the day she puts toys away. knows what she wants to eat. warns me that she's about to poop. brushes her teeth and combs her hair. throws away every bit of trash she sees lying around the house. she knows whose laundry is whose...even the underwear and socks. she has a very strong preference for men over 60. and her love for teddy is becoming even more extreme. she is so sweet. but, its becoming more and more clear...she's not a baby anymore. i can't wait to see her with the new baby. i have a feeling she's going to be a BIG "help".

speaking of baby, at some point in recent months, the midwife predicted a new moon baby. hmmm...

who would win?

who would win a fight between a lion and a grizzly bear?

that is the question of the week. judah asked both dustin and me, and we both told him that we thought a grizzly bear would win. he has analyzed the situation over and over and is still going with the lion. we have researched the topic online and even seen a video, all which suggest that the grizzly bear will always win. judah says the video is not valid because it is not a male lion. he also insists that the hidden claws are an advantage because the bear will not see them coming. i think that no matter what proof is given, judah will always be partial to the lion. since he was a toddler he has loved lions. he sleeps with a lion family: daddy "rowl", momma "rowl", baby "rowl" and brother "rowl". they are always organized in a a particular way...sometimes under the covers, sometimes sleeping in the corner, and last night...at sleepovers with friends, which meant that the lions were spread over various parts of the room. so, while the research and questioning may continue, i'm pretty sure that in judah's mind a lion will always be champion of all.

37 weeks

my midwife is coming over again today. its hard to believe i'm at the stage of pregnancy where she visits EVERY week! it will be this and then two more weekly visits until my due date! i'm still holding out for a february baby, although i have this nagging fear that he/she won't arrive until march. march just seem soooooo far away, and i'm seriously running out of room. i feel like i have a head in my butt and a leg kicking me in the neck. BUT...that feeling is GOOD news in one sense. last week when the midwife came she said that the baby had turned breech. that is not good in my case. #1 because of the kind of birth experience i am strongly desiring. and #2 because there are no doctors that will do a vaginal breech birth. and #3 because i can not have a c-section. my first and only c-section was horrible horrible horrible, and i only had three kids to take care of at the time. i can't imagine having my belly sliced open and then trying to recover from abdominal surgery while caring for six children. what makes a c-section worse for me is that my previous incision is vertical rather than horizotal. it split open and had to be re-stapled, and i can't can't fathom having to recover from that again. SOOOO...to feel baby's head at my butt and feet in my throat is an answer to prayer!! we prayed fervently about it last week, and other family and friends were also praying. in a dream or state of semi-consciousness last Tuesday night, i saw a chicken in a rotissere oven turning and turning and turning and then stopped head down. i took that image as something to encourage my faith and believe that this baby will turn and stay head down. i am looking forward to what the midwife has to say today.

re-model begins

we are just about ready to begin the offical re-model of our toyroom that will be converted into the girls' new bedroom! dustin & i took a very long trip to lowes yesterday afternoon, hoping to get everything we need in one trip. he has already broken a hole through the wall that will become the closet, and this week hopefully a friend is going to come and frame in the closet. after that, a guy will come and re-route the heating. and then, we're on our own. i would MUCH prefer to spend the extra money to hire someone to do the room while dustin is working, but he insists on doing it by himself. on the to-do list is...drywall closets (one in bedroom and one in toyroom), patch walls, put in new light, paint, put up trim along bottom and around doors, install two doors from the hallway into the room, get carpet, put up closet doors and shelving. and...i think that is all. it looks like a short list, but i have the feeling its going to take much, much longer than we think. there are always those couple things that come up that give you trouble. for example, we already know our doors are the wrong size b/c the door openings are the wrong size. so, we'll rig something there i suppose.

after the construction is complete, it'll be time for the girls to move in! they are very very excited. of course, cana would prefer to have her OWN room, but at least in the big room, she can map off some space to be exclusively hers! eden and simone will sleep together on the bunk beds, and cana plans to move her bed and books to the opposite side of the room for some privacy. she picked out green paint for the walls, and if given about a $1000 i'm sure she would be thrilled to go through pbteen and design an entire room! she just thinks like that! me, on the other hand, i'll just be happy to get them moved in. all the toyroom items will then get moved to eden and cana's old room until we can get a family room finished on the other side of the basement. then, i reckon about the time we get that finished it'll be time to start an upstairs project of some sort.

i will try to post some pictures of our progress. in the meantime, pray that dustin's inaugural re-modeling project goes without too many glitches.

snow day

while the big kids were away sledding with friends, dustin & i took nadia and simone outside. it was nadia's first snowday, and by the sounds of her crying in the kitchen right now, it thoroughly wore her out! naps all around today!

cure for a bad day

uffda. what a day. there are no words for it. and the kind of crap it brought does not even deserve to be mentioned. so, instead i'll just think about funny things and yummy things and happy things like simone at three years old and cinnamon rolls and baby clothes!! i guess its been awhile since i have given any sort of kid update, so let's see...

cana...this week she made her first ever basket in a basketball game! and it was the game that i MISSED! even though her team lost, it was the highlight of her season.

judah...told me this evening that the government might try to do away with christmas. he said he thinks we should all just disobey because he will be very sad if the government takes over and his kids don't get to have fun.

eden...has written some very fabulous stories this week. i've turned her loose with a given "theme" and just had her write for content. today she wrote about the butterfly queen. we relish for a day in the goodness of content and then the next day we bring on the corrections.

simone...told me this week that "strangers" took the sheets off her bed and her pillow out of its case. she is also packing bags daily to go on sleepovers with whomever might have her.

nadia...picked a movie out of the cabinet, turned around, waved it in the air, and sliced open eden's face with it. eden wailed and was covered in blood! it broke her heart to see that she hurt her sister. what a tender soul little tik has.

babe in the belly...kicking and squirming and getting nice and fat.