Paid

Virginia and I both have these awesome letters hanging on our refrigerator that state our debt has been PAID!  She and Doug paid their school loans.  Dustin and I just paid our van loan.  Its so wonderful that the loan company sends such a nice, congratulatory letter!  Its like they are proud that we no longer owe them money.  As relieved as I am to be free of that debt, I still feel like I'm caught in the horrible cycle of the "american way" of the borrower being slave to the lender.  If there was ever a way I would hope to separate myself from my culture it would be my hope that I would not be dependant on loans and credit to get the things I want or need.  I want to learn patience.  I would like to save my money and pay cash rather than succomb to the instant gratification of having what I want right now on credit.  Its hard to save for those big things when it seems that every penny has to be in its place just to pay for the everyday things.  But, I'm learning to wait and praying for wisdom.  I have put a plan in place to have the house paid off in ten years.  I will drive my cars until they won't drive anymore.  I bargain shop and wear the same clothes for years.  There is a fine line between being frugal and smart and being of a poverty mentality.  So, to combat that poverty way of thinking, I still make wish lists.  My notebook has a half a page of things I want to buy...some I even think I need, but most are things that I just want and would buy if I had money to splurge.  What stops me from blowing money or spending what I don't have is that I am becoming convinced that all of those things on my wish list will be worth more to me in the long run if they are paid for with money I really have in hand.  The letter on the frig serves as a reminder of the thrill that comes from not owing to someone else.  I am waiting for the day we receive one saying Dustin's school loan has been paid.  And then...someday...the house.  In the meantime, I will live within my means.